Warrior Love


I’m single again, for the 21st time, and I think it’s all the fault of what I experienced in my past. Let me speak of why.

We’ve all been told at some point in our lives, “I’ve got your back” by someone who was important to us. I lived a life where this was a very real thing and not just words. I experienced what it meant for someone to “Have my back” more than once and sometimes when lives depended on the outcome.


Eight of us gather in the darkness planning our raid. To bust down another door – to yell out orders and force submission – to serve a Search Warrant and do our job – this is why we get paid the big bucks but to tell the truth I’d have done it for free. Decisions were made about where to take the injured, just in case. A well choreographed dance was about to take place. Surprise and threatened violence waits on both sides of the crack house door.

“A block out” the driver yells out. Time to focus, to see everything, to have the eyes of a hawk. Time to be brave, to lose the sense of self and feel part of the team. Time to think of nothing but what is about to happen. Time to control the chaos that we are about to create.


Someone slides the van door open while we travel down the dark street. A blast of frozen air slaps my face into further awareness. I am alive and ready for what’s to come. Sometimes having PTSD is a good thing and in moments like this I was calm and ready. The Fight or Flight response was built into me and I was ready for this fight. I had been here before, many times. For some reason unknown to me the more dangerous and desperate things became the calmer I was able to be, a reversed response. This served me well throughout my Law Enforcement career.

This was a possible bad one. The informant who set up the deal, by buying cocaine from one of the Perps, knew little other than, “These were some bad motherfuckers outta Detroit and everybody’s gotta gun, maybe a AK-47 too.” The informant didn’t know the layout of the house or where anybody might be when we entered.


“Sheriff’s Department – Search Warrant – Open the Door!”

We fall in line behind the man with the ram who is about to destroy the door, everyone in their assigned place. My hand on the shoulder of my Brother in front of me. I Loved that moment of anticipation, commitment and bonding.

We were about to be forged in the fire once again.

The door and jamb is splintered and we enter with steely determination. I am one of the first through the door and begin my search for the bad guys. I find one and begin to take him to the floor for cuffing when the fight breaks out. I can still remember fighting this thug and looking up to see my Brother covering me, standing over me, gun in hand ordering the other thugs back.

In my life I’ve know what it means when someone has my back in a real way and I haven’t experienced it since I left Police work. I search for a woman that would love me like this and in the same moment know I’ll never find her…

Warrior Love




© 2015 – 2016, Michael Fulcher. All rights reserved.

5 thoughts on “Warrior Love”

  1. Friend Michael,

    Sorry to read you feel there is probably no woman out there who would be willing to “have you back”.

    Around here we have an fine group of women who can’t find fella’s WORTHY of their careing. This may be a ski area problem.

    A good single man is darned hard to find! Even though some of these women may not have the full skill set required to cover every situation i.e. gun skills, or strength to lift the car off your foot they have been looking for a fella who returns the care that is given, who is engaged in the relationship, is supportive of their interests and passions, who can give them space and also be there when they need him. This is what they have given to the guys they meet and get very little in return.
    I am sure my town isn’t the only one with these fine ladies and I believe you are or have capacity to be a fine partner. So do not lose faith my friend. Keep your eyes open, talk a lot, and don’t fall for the selfish ones even if they are perfectly georgeous. There are plenty of lovely ladies who would be delighted to find the fella we met at the hotsprings.
    Blessings, Gale

  2. This one bugged me, at first glance because my pride as a woman was challenged. But I also know that if something bugs me, it’s time to take a deeper look inside and do some soul searching. Here are my thoughts on the subject:
    Michael, I believe that you are right, there is no way to find the same kind of experience in a love relationship as you had with the drug team.
    The latter is based on the warrior code of honor where the individual surrenders self to become part of a team fighting for a greater cause. The team, the honor code and the cause are central to this as is absolute trust because lives depend on it. We as society (I) place great value on this team spirit; the words noble and honorable come to mind.
    In a relationship we/I may still give an oath to another person, but now the self and all the baggage we each carry are part of the package. The words that come to mind are: messy, challenging, beautiful (yes, really). And what makes this both beautiful and terrifying for me is that for a man to truly have my back, I would need to be completely open so he can see me with all my parts exposed and all guards lowered. For if the other can still love me this exposed and vulnerable, then I know that he really does have my back. At that point I can truly relax and trust, and love becomes unconditional. And the bottom line is that without me being open, we can never get there.
    Thank you Michael for inspiring me to examine my own values and ask myself if I am indeed open to a relationship of that caliper (yes).

  3. You were a cop’s cop. God loves you. I respect you, admire you, honor you, love you–for you did not do a job, practice a profession–you answered a call from God, took up a vocation.

    Rest in the joy that you did as best you could in the most difficult, high and holy vocation God calls the best of humankind to–

    All love and gratitude,


  4. The life of a great man, who followed a divine call and became a cop.

    A life well lived, helping others, regardless of the danger to himself.

    All praise to this wonderful officer and gentleman!


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